500 miles to watch

My dear aunt die

Would like eulogize her

But I didn’t really know her well

 

That being said

She gave me

Hope and relief

Which now causes me grief

 

She loved her brother

And that love

Was extended to me as well

Without her, my life

Would be more of a hell

 

But that is not

What this trip was about

It was a benchmark

Of what  I am

Then and now

 

You see,

I recently learned

All the crap

Of my early life

Just wasn’t my fault

 

The shame of our dirty house

And the mess that we were

Was not my fault

Time to drop the shame

 

The abuse and the neglect

That we had to survive

Was not my fault

I can drop it before I die

 

The shame of our poverty

Only in a social sense

I can release it

Because it was due to sense

not cents

 

Most of all

I can release the shit

Literally and figuratively

It’s not my fault

And that’s it

 

It feels so good

To release this from my past

And speak my truth

And feel the pleasure

That lasts and lasts

 

So goodbye  to my hometown

Gone from farm to shopping mall

Now it’s all ugly

Just like the past I had to endure

A lost piece

Of my life

As a child

A big piece of who I am

 

No memory

Of what happened

Before or after

But

That moment

Is forever here

 

Hands full of dead grass

In my hands

All wet from cutting

But dry on the edges

 

Following her long blonde hair

And running on the road

Making a left turn

To deposit grass

Into an empty field

 

Straight up ahead

A white car speeds towards us

It is loud and fast

I see it

I freeze

And watch

 

Shannon never sees it

And crosses the road

The driver only sees her

At the last minute

 

Slamming brakes

No screams

From Shannon

Shannon disappears

 

My mother

Screams

And cries

And shakes

 

Barely old enough

To walk

Shannon and I

But now dead

Are Shannon

And my youth